Finding Hope
by sector93
Summary: Set after Someone's Little Sister: Callie feels like her world is falling apart after she discovers that Robert will not sign the abandonment papers. Callie turns to a destructive old habit and is need of help from the Fosters to let go of it again.
1. Chapter 1

The Fosters: Set after Someone's Little Sister

Callie awoke on Friday with a start. Usually when Callie awoke from a bad dream like the one she had the night before, she was relieved to wake up in the Fosters' home where she knew she was safe and was part of a family. That was not the case this morning. As soon as Callie remembered the events of the day before she immediately buried her head in her pillow, wishing she were still asleep.

The grating sound of Mariana's hair dryer seriously interfered with Callie's plan to fall back asleep. Callie groaned and slowly pulled herself out of bed.

"You okay?" Mariana asked in a soft tone. Callie was sure that Brandon had told her family about what happened the day before. Since the family had arrived back at the house last night, she had been asked how she was doing by everyone in the house at least once.

"Yep." Callie lied and faked a smile.

Mariana shot her a disbelieving look. At this point, Mariana knew Callie well enough to be able to tell when she was lying. In a way, Callie didn't mind this but she was not in the mood to discuss her feelings with anyone this early in the morning.

"Yeah. Honestly, I don't want to talk about yesterday right now. Can we just act like everything is normal, for now?" Callie casually asked. Callie was referring to her half-sister's plan to sabotage any chance of Callie being adopted by the Fosters and Robert Quinn's refusal to sign the abandonment papers that would allow her to get adopted by the Fosters.

"Yeah. That's cool. Just asking." Mariana paused, then a sheepish grin spread across her face that let Callie know that her sister wanted something. "Since we're acting normal, I would normally ask you if I could borrow your red and black shirt? It's so cute." Callie chuckled and tossed her sister the shirt.

"Ooh. Thanks!" Mariana squealed as she quickly pulled on the shirt that differed completely from Mariana's usual style. Lately, the teenager had been branching out.

"Kids! Breakfast!" yelled Lena. Mariana looked at Callie, who still had not put any clothes on or made an attempt to get ready at all. "You better hurry up. See you down there!"

"See ya." Callie muttered, not looking forward to getting ready and spending the day at school. Her world felt as unpredictable as it had ever been and, as much as she liked school, she just didn't think she had it in her today. Callie quickly threw on some pants and slipped on some socks and shoes. Callie didn't like to be rushed but she knew she couldn't change while Mariana was in the room today and she didn't know how to ask Mariana to leave without sounding suspicious. Callie had never had a problem with changing in front of Mariana before.

Today was different. All Callie had to do was rub her left shoulder to remind herself of this. After the Girls United benefit last night, Callie had panicked. Not only was her adoption falling apart but she kissed Brandon, something Callie knew she should never have done. Callie had not cut once since living in the Fosters. She had been tempted to cut but Callie knew that the Fosters' home was the best home she and Jude were probably ever going to wind up in and she simply did not want to risk losing it. Yesterday, when Callie realized she could never really be happy and she could never officially be a Foster, Callie gave up. Just before her shower, Callie found her shaving razor, tore apart the blades just like she did the first time she cut at the age of twelve and made four large cuts across her shoulder. Even though Callie was disappointed in herself, the relief that spread through her after she finished offered her a little bit of hope in the midst of her panic. Callie knew that this was not the last time she would cut herself. She just had to learn to hide it from the Fosters. No one had ever caught her before but Callie knew that no one had ever bothered to pay attention. The Fosters were different.

Callie reached for a long sleeve shirt, taking no risks in covering her scars, but before she could pull the shirt on, Mariana barged into the room. Callie knew her scars were facing the door that Mariana just walked in but she pulled on the shirt as fast as she could anyways, hoping that Mariana didn't see, or at least would pretend she didn't.

Mariana looked shocked. "I'm sorry. I needed to grab a book."

"Mariana. I…" Callie stopped, unsure of what to say. Tears filled her eyes and she quickly swiped them away.

"Callie." Mariana said softly, though the panic was evident on her face. "I know what those are and I won't believe you if you make something up. Why did you…" Mariana immediately stopped, thinking back to what Brandon had told her family the night before about what had happened with the Quinns. Surely, that is what caused this. Anger boiled up in her towards Robert and Sofia but she knew that right now, she needed to talk to her sister.

Callie stared at the ground, willing the conversation to be over. She had never talked about cutting before and she certainly didn't want to now. The only thing that she wanted to know was that Mariana would keep what she saw a secret from the rest of the family. Panic gripped Callie as she began to think about what would happen if Stef and Lena found out. Callie loved Stef and Lena but, if her years of experience in foster care had taught her anything, it was that no foster family wanted a high maintenance teenager. Callie knew that if Stef and Lena found out, there was a good chance that Callie would be in a group home in about 24 hours, separated from Jude and the family she had grown to love so much.

"Mariana. You can't tell anyone about this, ok? Not even Stef and Lena. This is the first time I have done it since I have lived with you guys and I won't do it again, ever. I promise."

"I have to tell them, Callie. Those scars were deep and you can hurt yourself. A kid in my class died by cutting too deep and I love having a sister way too much to let that happen. I have to tell them."

Callie looked directly at Mariana this time. "They're going to send me away. We're not going to be sisters anymore anyway if you tell them. You can't."

"Callie. You don't know our moms as well as I think you do. I have done some really, really bad things and they have never stopped helping me and never stopped loving me. I have seen the way moms are with you. You don't have to worry about them giving up but I have to tell them."

Callie looked past Mariana and stared angrily at the wall. As scary as she probably looked to Mariana at that moment, Callie knew she was helpless and all she could feel was the panic welling up.

Mariana saw the panic on Callie's face and saw her begin to gasp for breath. Mariana didn't know if it was better to stay with Callie or leave her alone. She figured that the best way to help Callie was to tell her moms what was going on so they could help her but she hated leaving Callie like this be herself. "I'm going downstairs for a minute. Are you going to be ok?" Callie nodded through her tears and sat on her bed to try to get a breath.

As soon as Mariana left, Callie began pacing the room. She still couldn't breathe so Callie clasped her arms over her head to try to get some air. She had had enough panic attacks to know that she had to let it run its course. Callie couldn't calm down. She knew Mariana would tell and she didn't think she could stop her. She hoped that Jude wouldn't see her like this. Brandon was at his dad's today. She couldn't talk to him. At least he didn't have to be around for the drama Callie knew would ensue as soon as Mariana told. At this moment, Callie hated Mariana as much as she hated the Quinns. Callie rushed into her bathroom and held her blade in her hand. She knew this may be her last chance to cut for a while and she needed it. Callie pulled up her shirt and cut three deep scars into her skin. It wasn't deep enough to be dangerous but it was deep enough to hurt. Callie winced but then she was able to take a deep breath. She was calm for the moment. As Callie cleaned up the bathroom, she heard knocking on the door and then she heard her name. It was Stef's voice.


	2. Chapter 2

Stef knocked on the bathroom door, worried about what Callie might be doing in the bathroom as she knocked. "Callie, I need you to unlock the door now." Stef spoke calmly, trying to hide the panic in her voice. Stef was an officer and often found herself in dangerous situations. Few things scared her but the thought of her daughter hurting herself was both terrifying and infuriating. No one messed with her kids, not even the kids themselves. Stef heard rustling in the bathroom but received no reply from Callie. "Callie, if you don't open the door now, I'm going to force it. Either way, I'm coming in."

Callie heard Stef but she had to hide the evidence. She was ashamed that she cut again and terrified of what was coming but if Mariana had really told Stef about the scars she saw, Callie thought it would be best if she could argue that it was a one-time thing. After Callie had quickly bandaged the cuts on her left shoulder and hidden her supplies, Callie opened the door. Callie opened it just in time to avoid Stef knocking the door down. Having a police officer in the family certainly had its disadvantages.

Stef stood right outside the bathroom door. Callie had seen Stef in some extremely stressful situations but she had never seen her foster mom look this worried. Callie immediately knew that Mariana had told and her stomach dropped as she thought about the conversation to come. She was sure that this was most likely her last night in the Foster household. Callie thought about Jude. She had torn apart her little brother's world again. He wouldn't be able to follow her to wherever she would be placed next. The important thing was that Jude had a family now and even she could not take that away from him.

"Mariana spoke to us, honey. Lena took the rest of the kids to school but she is taking the day off so she can be with us soon. Right now, we need to talk. First, I need to know that you are ok. What were you doing in here?" Stef could already see the panic on her Callie's face. It was all she could do not to hug her daughter at that moment but she sensed that Callie needed as much space as possible and what Stef was most concerned about was making sure her daughter was safe and getting Callie to talk to her.

Callie stared at the floor, not daring to make eye contact with Stef. Callie had lied to authority to get out of bad situations plenty of times but for some reason, she didn't have it in her to lie to Stef. She couldn't tell the truth either. Instead, she just stood in the bathroom doorway, willing Stef to refrain from asking any more questions and simply leave her alone. "Callie. I need to make sure you're not bleeding out. If you did cut just now, I need you to show me where you did it so I can know that you're ok right now." Callie still stared down at the floor but pulled down her long sleeve shirt at the neck line to reveal her shoulder. She carefully peeled off the bandages she had hastily placed on the scars before opening the door for Stef. Callie had never shown her scars to anyone before today and she felt like the star of a freak show as Stef looked on.

Stef tried to remain calm as Callie showed her her shoulder. She had heard of cutting before in police training and the foster parent training classes that she and Lena had recently completed to maintain custody of Callie but she had never seen it in person. Stef was right to check Callie at that moment as multiple cuts on Callie's arm were fresh. There were other scars but Stef assumed those cuts had been made the night before. She was relieved that Callie did not appear to be in any grave danger. The cut appeared to be cleaned and not deep enough to require stiches. Even so, Stef's heart broke as she imagined the kind of pain that would drive her sweet daughter to put herself through so much physical pain. Callie was still staring at the ground, successfully avoiding any eye contact or communication with Stef. Stef gently touched Callie's back and her voice cracked as she spoke."Ok. Callie. It looks like stitches or a hospital trip won't be necessary. Let's head into my room and talk about this. Do you think you can do that?"

Callie nodded to Stef, meeting Stef's eyes for the first time since she opened the door. In her foster mom's eyes she saw a combination of compassion and fear. As furious as Callie was at Mariana for telling Stef and Lena in the first place and as much as she was not ready to tell Stef or anyone about what was going on with her, Callie was surprised that someone actually cared enough to check and make sure that Callie was ok. For the first time, Callie felt like she had found someone who loved her but she reminded herself that Stef, Lena and everyone in the Foster family were about to be taken away from her.


End file.
